Hunting For Joy

Road Trippin’ To Baltimore & Easter Weekend

2010-04-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

The Mrs. and I were really in need of much deserved break from our jobs and the house so we decided we should take a little road trip. We wanted to go far enough so that we felt like we were away yet close enough so that we wouldn’t have to get on an airplane. We decided to hit Baltimore as it met all the criteria plus Erin’s friend Lindsay had moved there a few years ago and it would give them a chance to catch up. We decided to take off Thursday and Friday from work, drive down Thursday morning and drive back on Friday afternoon. This way we would not miss any time with my daughter on the weekend.

We got up early on Friday morning, dropped the dogs off at the boarder, and were on our way to Charm City. The traffic wasn’t too bad on the way down aside from the usual snafu that comes with travelling through NJ to anywhere. We were starting to get extremely hungry but were holding out for something good when like a beacon from heavens I spotted a road sign from one of our most favorite southern franchises CRACKER BARREL (http://www.crackerbarrel.com/ )! We both had the Old Timer’s Breakfast which consists of Two Eggs (we both had scrambled) with Grits, Sawmill Gravy, Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits, Fried Apples or Hashbrown Casserole (we both had the Hashbrown Casserole which is AMAZING), and choice of Smoked Sausage Patties, Turkey Sausage Patties or Thick-Sliced Bacon (I went with the bacon and Erin had the sausage).

After filling up on a delicious breakfast we proceeded on to B-More. We made it to the hotel without issue and relaxed for a bit as we planned our next move. Erin wanted to try and walk as much as possible as we would be eating a lot on this journey. Prior to leaving a Google mapped all the places we wanted to hit with both walking and driving directions.

We decided to hit Di Pasquale's (http://www.dipasquales.com/ ) first for some “Real Deal” Italian food. When I saw the episode of Triple D that featured this place, I had to keep myself from drooling. In this little Italian Deli they make their own pasta, their own mozzarella, their sauce, and their own meats! And when Guy Fieri says something is the real deal, I believe him! Looking over the map Erin decided that a three mile walk wouldn’t be that bad and we headed off on our way. Let’s just say we realized a bit too late that a three mile walk was quite the trek! Especially when it is warm out and quite a section of the journey is uphill! Nevertheless we soldiered on and made it there in one piece!

I ordered the lasagna and Erin ordered the Arancine (rice ball) as they were the dishes featured on the show. The lasagna was absolutely amazing, the second best I have ever had and the best I have ever had at a restaurant. Yes, only second best, my Mom’s is still the best I have ever had. The reason is simple my Mom uses ground beef and ground sausage. And I love Italian sausage. For someone who isn’t into sausage, they would probably enjoy Di Pasquale’s more. Oh and the service was fantastic, the owner was very sweet! I definitely recommend the place if you are in the Baltimore area.

Erin had missed a call from Lindsay and then Lindsay missed a call from Erin but after the game of phone tag had been completed Lindsay insisted on rescuing us from a three mile walk back to the hotel. She drove us around the Baltimore area showing us some of the sites and letting us know what she and her husband have been up to. We hit up Dangerously Delicious Pies (http://www.dangerouspies.com/) which you may remember me discussing in my last blog (http://huntingforjoy.blogspot.com/2010/03/tale-of-two-pies.html). Erin and I had the Key Lime Pie while Lindsay had the Strawberry Rhubarb, they were very tasty indeed. We were a little disappointed that they didn’t have many of the pies on their menu available to try. It was kind of disheartening that they only had a few ready to go. The girl behind the counter, who was indeed very cool, told me that they would have some more pies out in a little over an hour. So we took our time eating and talking and when the additional pies came out of the oven, she gave me a holler. The three of us split a slice of the infamous Baltimore Bomb and the Chocolate Peanut Butter Chess. Erin came to the conclusion that she liked my version of the Baltimore Bomb better as I had used more cookies. I really loved the Chocolate Peanut Butter Chess but she wasn’t a fan. I definitely recommend the pies there for sure, however be prepared that they might not have the one you are looking for ready on hand. But the décor and atmosphere there is really cool.

Lindsay gave us a ride to our chosen dinner spot, Obrycki’s (http://www.obryckis.com/), which is known for their soft shell crabs. Unfortunately, there were no soft shell crabs left. We decided to stick around as we figured the rest of the menu must be good as well. The interior of the restaurant was very drab but the service was very good, the food just wasn’t anything special. We’ve eaten much better seafood on Long Island and in Boston. This place is definitely a miss for me.

After dinner we returned to our hotel and bedded down for the night. We knew that we didn’t want to get too late a start the next day and we had some awesomeness in mind for breakfast! Plus, it being Good Friday, we feared that we might be in store for less than hospitable traffic on our way back to Queens.

Our chosen spot for breakfast the next was another Triple D featured establishment, the Blue Moon Café. They don’t have a website, facebook, or twitter page but you can find them at 1621 Aliceanna St Baltimore, MD 21231 (410) 522-3940. We headed on over there and were greeted with a quaint little café with a few tables and a counter with stools. We were told that it be between an hour and an hour wait. We decided that it was indeed worth it and camped out outside the front door. When our name was called we were asked if we minded sitting at the counter and we let them know that it was not a problem in the least. Now, the only knock I had read in reviews of this place was on the service, let me tell you, these people could not have been nicer. Yes, they were young and tattooed (So am I, well, I’m tattooed, I don’t know about the young part anymore!), but they were friendly and courteous and not the slightest bit rude at all.

I had the Cap’n Crunch French Toast that I had read rave reviews of and Erin had an omelet. I had been a bit skeptical about the French toast as I was worried it might be overly sweet but damn were my fears unfounded! It was absolutely amazing! The best French toast that I have ever had, bar none! It was absolutely delicious, nice and crunch on the outside, soft, warm, and chewy on the inside, and topped with homemade whipped cream, fresh berries, and bananas! Let me tell you, no butter or syrup needed whatsoever! Erin enjoyed her omelet as well and upon tasting a bite of my French toast concurred with my opinion and stated that Blue Moon was the best eatery we hit on the trip and well worth the drive. I have to say, I am very inclined to agree!

By the time we were done gorging ourselves on our respective breakfasts we realized it was now Noon and we made our way back to the Civic and were ready to head on home. The traffic was a very different story on the way back; we hit several problem spots as soon as we left the city. However, all was not bleak as we made a late lunch stop at one of other favorite southern restaurant chains, Chick-fil-A (http://www.chick-fil-a.com/#home)! If you have never experienced Chick-fil-A you really need to, best fast food chicken sandwich you will ever eat, so delicious!

The ride home ended up taking us seven and a half hours! Hell, it only takes us fourteen hours to get to Atlanta! Seven and a half hours is a long time to be in my little Civic Coupe but we made it our alive! The next day was a busy affair for me as I had my no gi Jiu-Jitsu class in the afternoon, followed by picking up and dropping off at the dry cleaners, food shopping, grilling dinner (steak and pork loin) with my brother Frank, and pie making!

I had previously asked Erin and my brother what they would like me to make for dessert for Easter Sunday and they both wanted pie, blueberry for Erin and Key Lime with Cool Whip topping for Frank. I had never made either but I was ready to give it a shot. The blueberry was a bit of a process between cooking down the berries with maple syrup, then mixing all the ingredients with more blueberries, then chilling it for a half hour, and then baking it. I think I perhaps should have simmered it down longer. The Key Lime pie was a breeze though, no hassle at all.

Being me I decided to do a little research for a special treat for Easter Brunch. I was so in love with the Cap’n Crunch French Toast that I could not possibly wait until the next time I hit Charm City to taste it again! Plus my Mother and brother were in doubt of its deliciousness! It turns out the recipe was in one of Guy’s Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives cooks books and a fan was kind enough to post it online! I knew I had to give it a shot and hoped I would do it justice! Well, everyone loved it! I don’t think it was quite as good as Blue Moon’s but Erin thought I did a good interpretation.

My Mom made the Freda Family Sauce along with ravioli, meatballs, Italian sausage, and of course an antipasto course with mozzarella, mozzarella and prosciutto pinwheels, salami, pepperoni, provolone, peppers, and anchovies for Easter dinner. Everything was absolutely delicious as always! My brother loved the Key Lime pie and said that it was spot on. Erin enjoyed the blueberry but agreed with me that it should have been simmered down a bit more to reduce some of the juice.

So there you have it, a face stuffing, and road tripping adventure followed by an Italian Feast with a little southern flare for dessert! I hope you enjoyed my latest lengthy blog and I hope to have some new pictures up on http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154376&id=745503906&l=402c1e0710 this weekend. Until next time, keep your head up!

A Tale of Two Pies

2010-03-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone and welcome to another blog entry by your favorite BJJ/baking enthusiast. One of my recent Food Network obsessions is a show called “The Best Thing I Ever Ate”. Every week they pick a topic such as Guilty Pleasures or Cheesy and they have on food related celebrities such as chefs or critics and they talk about the best thing they ever ate in that category. I absolutely love listening to these culinary gurus gush over their favorite foods, it’s almost, and I mean ALMOST as good as getting to try them myself!

Now here is where the coolest part comes in, they tell you WHERE you can go get them. And in case you miss it you, can go on their website (http://www.foodnetwork.com/the-best-thing-i-ever-ate/index.html) and find the address and web site of the restaurants. Fortunately for me, a great number of these restaurants are in the NYC area. So my list of restaurants I want to try is growing by leaps and bounds! Sometimes, there will be a dish that I really, really want to experience for myself but it won’t be available anywhere in my area. In this case, I have to get a bit creative.

The first time this came into play was as a result of the “Snack Attack” episode where Candace Nelson hyped the deliciousness of the Donut Muffins made at Downtown Bakery and Creamery in Healdsburg, California (www.downtownbakery.net). Now watching these delectable, massive, muffins being made sent my salivary glands into overdrive! They were coated with cinnamon & sugar goodness and just looked too amazing to imagine!

So I immediately began searching for a recipe that I could try myself and low and behold, this is the one that I found: http://www.finecooking.com/recipes/doughnut_muffins.aspx . And goddamn if they did not come out absolutely amazing! Definitely one of the best things I have ever made or eaten! I was extremely happy with the way they came out and they are definitely a treat which I will need to make again soon!

Onto the subject of which this blog is titled, A Tale of Two Pies! The next time I was subject to geographical disappointment was the episode entitled “Guilty Pleasures” and the deliverer of my dismay was the Ace of Cakes himself, Duff Goldman. Duff’s most favorite guilty pleasure is indigenous to Baltimore, Maryland and created by the folks over at Dangerously Delicious Pies (www.dangerouspies.com) and known as the Baltimore Bomb Pie. This amazing treat is made by taking your standard pie crust, filling it with broken pieces of the sinfully decadent Berger Cookies (www.bergercookies.com) and pouring vanilla chess (a vanilla chess is a kind of custard) over that before baking it.

I really, really wanted to try this pie! However the cost to order one and have it shipped was really prohibitive. So, I again decided to take things into my own hands or kitchen as it were. I ordered some Berger Cookies and picked up the ingredients to make the vanilla chess and pie crust. I also remembered that when watching the episode I had turned to my lovely bride and remarked how much the Berger Cookies reminded me of our very own NY classic, the Black & White cookie. Inspiration had struck me and struck me hard! I decided to make one Baltimore Bomb using Berger Cookies and one Bellerose Bomb using Black & Whites! I stopped at one of my favorite local bakeries, the Gourmet Bake Shop in New Hyde Park (http://www.gourmetbakeshop.com/default.html) and picked up some ridiculously fresh Black & Whites.

Early Saturday evening I began my most recent culinary adventure with the two best Sous Chefs a guy could ask for in my lovely wife Erin and beautiful daughter Lyric. We set out to make the pies as per my recollection from the aforementioned show with a bit of guesstimating in a few areas. Namely, how many cookies to put in and how would we know if they were done? Now I knew how long they were approximately supposed to bake as far as the chess were concerned, which I was sure would be thrown off by the presence of the cookies. As well as knowing how custard should look once it’s baked, not liquid, but solid. The pies took a little over 45 minutes to bake and looked really fantastic when they came out, especially the Bellerose Bomb with its chunks of cookies popping up all over the place!

Next came the hard part, how long do we have to wait for the pies to set? I knew for sure they would have to be refrigerated for a time to allow the chess to set but I had read a bunch of different things as far as that went. Erin made the call that they should set overnight and so they did! Despite my HUGE disappointment in having to wait!

Finally after dinner last night came the moment of truth, the pie tasting! We cut ourselves a small slice of each, knowing that they would both be extremely sweet and decadent. How did they taste? DELICIOUS! Lyric could not decide which she like best, saying that she liked them both, although I think some of that may have been not wanting to make me feel bad if she did not like my version better. Erin liked the Baltimore Bomb better enjoying the extreme fudginess of it. I, however, liked the Bellerose Bomb better as I could pick up all the distinct flavors from the vanilla chess, the Black & White Cookies, and the icing from the cookies. These are definitely pies that require a big glass of milk in order to be consumed! I think that the next time I make the Baltimore Bomb I will use a few less cookies, as I think we may have gone a bit overboard! Overall though I think these were both unique culinary triumphs for yours truly and the loveliest helpers a baker could wish for!

I know you think the story ends here however it does not! Erin and I will be in Baltimore on April 1st and 2nd and we will be heading over to Dangerously Delicious Pies to try the original Baltimore Bomb to see how ours stacks up! Who knows, I may drop a little knowledge on them and suggest they try their hand at the Bellerose Bomb! Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you next time!

Photos of my Culinary Exploits can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154376&id=745503906&l=402c1e0710

A Renewed Passion

2010-03-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

It’s been a little over a month since I’ve updated on here so I figured I should probably give it a go. People who have known me for a long time know that baking has always been one of my passions. Yes, yes you read that right, baking. When I was a little boy I would often watch my Mother bake and then began lending a hand as I got older. I liked being around her and all the smells of her kitchen and the wonderful things that would come out of her oven, especially her banana walnut bread and her chocolate Bundt cake with confectionary sugar sprinkled on top.

As I got older I started baking things on my own, mostly from boxed mixes with the occasional banana walnut bread from scratch thrown in. As time passed I started making more and more things from scratch, like my Na Na’s peanut butter cookies or raspberry muffins. When I first met my wife I wooed her with chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and cinnamon streusel cake until she begged me to stop the oven baked onslaught!

In recent years I had gotten away from baking; really only doing it around the holidays. My Dad and older sister Nadine just had to have my homemade cornbread on Thanksgiving and everyone else was always clamoring for Na Na’s peanut butter cookies. However I have recently undergone somewhat of a baking resurgence. And I have to say, my daughter Lyric really deserves most of the credit.

Over the last year or so Lyric has developed a new found obsession with the Food Network and shows like Ace Of Cakes and Cake Boss. As I result I have found myself becoming a fan of Diners, Drive Ins, & Dives, Man vs. Food, The Best Thing I Ever Ate, Good Eats, and Chopped. Through becoming an avid fan of these shows I have subsequently become a fan of Chefs Guy Fieri, Alton Brown, Paula Deen, Michael Symon, and Chris Santos.

Another result of watching these programs has been the stoking of my desire to make the dishes I have seen featured on them. Or to seek out other recipes that I had always wanted to try, but just never attempted. And in doing so, spending time with my wife and daughter doing something we can all enjoy, like making a red velvet cake from scratch or baked macaroni and cheese. I would absolutely love it if my daughter were to become a Chef or Pastry Chef!

My wife has also recently become obsessed with idea of us mastering the art of making our own pizza. Right now getting the crust right is our biggest nemesis! However, we have faith that our recent purchases of both a pizza stone and a pizza peel will aid us in our efforts!

My teammates have also benefitted greatly from my recent culinary adventures as my wife often likes for me to get them out of the house to prevent us from overindulging! Some of my recent conquests have been my Split Decision Layer Cake (Vanilla Cake on top, Chocolate Cake on bottom, milk chocolate icing), chocolate peanut butter cupcakes, donut muffins (my wife says they are the best thing I have ever made and I may be inclined to agree), apple muffins, and a really amazing marinated skirt steak.

Yes, I have been branching out into cooking as well. I had always cooked a few things here and there like fajitas or tacos or chili or the occasional meat loaf, but I am starting to cook more and more. I have printed out a HUGE binder full of recipes for appetizers, main courses, and of course desserts that I want to try.

I have really been enjoying the time I have been spending in the kitchen both with my wife and daughter and on my own. I had almost forgotten how enjoyable it can be to have my music blaring as I try out a new recipe and bounce around the kitchen and then the triumph of a successful attempt at a new dish. I’ve also taken to photographing my culinary adventures, a fact which my Mrs. finds quite amusing I must say. She also thinks it’s incredibly humorous that lately all I can talk about is what new chokes I am trying out or what recipe I want to attempt next!

Again, I must thank my daughter for getting me back in the kitchen and my wife for putting up with my renewed culinary obsession. It has really been extremely rewarding being back in the kitchen and trying out all matter of new things. Tonight I’ll be going with an old standby, my Mom’s famous banana walnut bread!

Happy Birthday Dad

2010-01-20T03:51:00.000-08:00

I wake up every morning startled as if being shaken out of my sleep. I head downstairs and I push myself as hard as I can, straining, growling, huffing, puffing, trying to break myself into a million pieces. I have destroyed myself over and over again smashing my body apart in a million ways in this ridiculous attempt to just be BETTER.

He was much more proud of me than I deserved for him to be. He saw things in me that just weren't there and I let him down so many times with my foolish, selfish, immature actions. I have dedicated my life to trying to be the man he saw in me, to be someone he could be proud of, to be an example of his ideals.
My heart has been torn out and shredded into a million pieces and I will never, ever be whole again. I miss him so much that sometimes I just have to stop moving, thinking, talking because I just cannot breathe. I would do anything, give up anything, just to hug him again and to hear him call me his pal one more time.

I Am Broken

2010-01-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

I am broken, irreparably so, this is something that I am acutely aware of. It is an undeniable fact, one I have known for quite some time. How did I break, who or what broke me, when did I first become broken? These are questions that I do not have the answer to. However I do know what is broken and I do know that it something that cannot possibly be fixed, ever. My psyche is quite literally a mess.

There have been several different opinions as to what is “wrong” with me. I put the word wrong in quotes because I feel that the description is incorrect, I feel that the word I used previously, broken, is the more correct term for my mental situation. However, society at large would probably consider wrong to be the correct word. Some have called it major depressive disorder, some have called it manic depression, and others have called me a mopey fuck. And still others have referred to me as being “whacky” or “strange.” The word irritable has been tossed around as well.

To me, the labels are just really superfluous, whichever one you decide to use. One way or another, the fact remains, I am broken. It is not something I can control or “work on” or rehabilitate. I often get sad for absolutely reason. Or a single e-mail or comment or action can sometimes send me spiraling down into an abyss of self loathing with omnipresent thoughts of self destruction.

And then there are times when I go on a tear and buy a ton of shit I do not need because I just absolutely had to have them. And I have become an absurd completist as far as some of my interests are concerned. Buying DVDs I do not have the time to watch or albums that I do not consider particularly good or essential just because I NEED to have them in my collection.

Then there is my propensity to become so totally and extremely frustrated with a person or situation seemingly instantaneously. One moment I am fine and the next a wrong sentence or look or reaction has me completely consumed with anger or frustration to the point where I have to immediately step away to avoid a potentially explosive event. Or there will be times when one moment I am completely fine and the next anything and everything irritates me so wholly and completely that I become absolutely impossible to be around.

I also find myself at times being completely unable to feel good about myself. Despite the huge strides I have made in improving my physical appearance I still find so many things to hate when I look in the mirror. And I cannot seem to stop picking myself apart and just wanting to destroy myself because I do not see what I want to see in that reflection.

Or I become so fixated and obsessed with completing a goal or task that failure to do so leaves me feeling completely crushed, hollow, and empty inside. As if I am not worth the dog shit stuck to someone’s shoe, that I am a complete and utter disappointment and failure to all those who were foolish enough to believe in me or count on me.

So yes, I am broken, I cannot be fixed or cured or rehabilitated. I am aware of this and it does not please nor am I looking to use it as an excuse. It is what it is as I am what I am. Broken.

What I am currently listening to, reading, watching, playing

2009-12-30T10:07:00.000-08:00

Albums currently in heavy rotation:

White Lies – To Lose My Life…

Dead Man’s Bones – Dead Man’s Bones

Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

Editors – In This Light and On This Evening

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – It’s Blitz!

The xx – xx

Owl City – Ocean Eyes

Ladyhawke – Ladyhawke

The Big Pink – A Brief History of Love

Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young

Florence + the Machine – Lungs

La Roux – La Roux

Wilco – Wilco (The Album)Weezer – Raditude

Currently Reading:

The Complete Guide to Gracie Jiu-Jitsu by Rodrigo Gracie & Kid Peligro

Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

Currently watching:

Cobrinha BJJ 3 DVD Set with Rubens Charles

Films recently watched:

The United States of Leland (2003)

Stay (2005)

Currently dominating the PS3:

The Beatles: Rock Band

When do we stop using the type(s) of music we enjoy to define who we are, or do we ever?

2009-10-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

My Thursday night Muay Thai class was cancelled this week due to my instructor being under the weather and Team Serra two alternates being unavailable. Normally, I most likely would have been extremely disappointed. However for the past few days a sinus cold has been kicking the crap out of me and Erin is going to be away for the weekend at her brother & sister-in-law’s house in Atlanta. So, I was glad to have a night at home to rest and spent a bit of extra time with the Mrs. before she left for her trip this morning. So, this how I ended up flipping channels on a Thursday night while eating a DiGiorno pizza with my wife. Oh, and by the way, if you can’t tell if it’s deliver or DiGiorno, you either have shitty taste in pizza or have never had real pizza, ever.

While flipping channels I stopped when I hit the IFC Channel as they were showing the documentary film Goth Cruise. Now I had remembered hearing about this documentary as a girl I knew from my clubbing days had posted on facebook that she and her husband were featured in the film. So, I left it on with more than the cursory interest that I might have normally had. As most of the people who would have any reason to read this would know, I was pretty damn immersed in the NYC/LI Goth scene for a number of years. Hell, Erin and I met at a show my brother’s old band was playing at a Goth club. We sat there watching it, while munching on our store bought pizza, commenting here and there about this song or this outfit. Erin laughed when Amanda, the aforementioned acquaintance, appeared on screen wearing the same I, Synthesist t-shirt that I frequently wear. I, Synthesist is a band fronted by an acquaintance of my brother. I must admit, while I do dig a few of their songs, I mostly wear the shirt because I like the way it fits on me! However I did remember that Amanda was a big fan of theirs.

Our watching of this little documentary lead to my questioning my wife if she liked it better when I dressed more Goth or the way that I dress now. She told me that she prefers my current wardrobe which usually consists of t-shirts and jeans, the occasional hooded sweat shirt or button down with Doc Marten shoes or my limited edition Alkaline Trio Nikes. She prefers when then t-shirts have shorter sleeves that reveal more tattoo and biceps and have a logo or design of some sort. A favorite is the shirt I picked up at the Dead Man’s Bones concert.

This combined with the fantastic book I am currently reading, How Soon Is Never by Marc Spitz, reminded me how much the type of music we listen to often affects how we dress and how we define ourselves. If someone asked me in Junior High or the first year or so of High School, what are you? My response probably would have been I’m a Metal Head. And with my wardrobe consisting mostly of Metallica, Megadeth, and Slayer t-shirts worn with tight black or blue jeans and combat boots most likely would have lead you to believe me. And in my High School, that really was how you defined yourself, metal heads listened to metal, hoodies listened to hip hop or rap, guidos listened to TKA. That’s just the way it was.

By the time I was in college the uniform and music had changed. The wardrobe was now dominated by Depeche Mode, Smiths, Cure, and Morrissey shirts or black button downs, but still with boots and tight jeans! And most nights were spent at Goth clubs swirling around the dance floor with similarly dressed boys and girls in corsets with my black eyeliner, lip stick, and nail polish topping it all off. As I got more into the Goth subculture my wardrobe expanded to include shiny vinyl pants, velvet skirts, mesh shirts, bondage pants and even more impressive knee high, steel toed combat boots. And I frequently dressed that way whether I was at a club or not. Working at Tower Records afforded me the kind of freedom of dress that a lot of other jobs don’t. In college it seemed that this still had an impact on how you defined yourself, were you Goth, a Punk, a hard core kid, or an indie rocker? Maybe you were in a fraternity or sorority and were just one of the Greeks?

As I got older, I just seemed to stop dressing that way. I have not stopped listening to the music, and hell, I’m listening to Tomorrow by Morrissey as I type this. I have over 7,000 songs on my iPod and I own over 1,000 CDs. The genres of music stretch from Classic Rock, to Heavy Metal, to Hip Hop, to Rap, to Disco, to Industrial, to Punk, to New Wave, to Industrial, to Alternative, to Ska and on and on. What I listen to no longer dictates how I dress, I wear what I feel comfortable in and what I think looks good. Sure, I still wear t-shirts of bands that I like, but I also wear a lot of Straight Edge and Serra Jiu-Jitsu shirts. And if someone said, what are you? I certainly would not use the contents of my iPod or wardrobe to define who I am.

First of all, what I am listening to can be so different on a day to day basis that I can no longer see myself saying, I’m Goth or I’m a Punk or an Indie Rocker. I mean people obviously still do this, hence the Goth Cruise flick. And I know people still call themselves Hipsters and Punks and the like. I’m just not one of them. I don’t know when or how this happened and I don’t know why. It just did. I still love music more than most people love their pets but I don’t let it dictate who or what I am. Hell, I don’t let my job do that.

The clearest definition of who I am is probably right here on this very blog, in the little blurb to the right: Married, father, writer, musician, straight edge, beginning BJJ practitioner. This is how I choose to define myself. And I think it fits even better than my I, Synthesist t-shirt. Until next time, take care.

My Aging Alternative Icons and more…

2009-10-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Morrissey collapsed on stage Saturday, October 24 after performing one song at his show, then falling to the ground, unconscious. He was "stable" at a hospital in Swindon, England, on Sunday morning, according to a hospital spokeswoman quoted by the British Telegraph. I certainly wish the Moz a full and speedy recovery. He has had such an awesome resurgence over the last five years, putting out several fantastic albums in a row: You Are the Quarry in 2004, Live at Earls Court in 2005, Ringleader of the Tormentors in 2006, and Years of Refusal in 2009.

Morrissey’s recent ailment as well as Dave Gahan’s recent health issues during this past year while on tour was reason to give me pause and realize that some of my biggest musical influences are getting on in years now. Dave Gahan is 47, Martin Gore is 48, Morrissey is 50, Henry Rollins is 48, Johnny Marr is 45, Mike Ness is 47, Robert Smith is 50, Bono is 49, and the Edge is 48. Well, at least Rivers Cuomo at 39, Matt Skiba at 33, and Dan Andriano at 32 are all close to or at my age! I know that it shouldn’t have escaped my attention that most of my influences were getting up there in terms of numbers. I mean, they have been actively contributing to the musical landscape since the late 70’s and I was not even born until 1976 and am now clocking in at 33 years old myself.

However, the realization of my aging alternative icons did give me a bit of a shake. I mean, if the HOT ANIMAL MACHINE Henry Rollins is aging…what the hell is to become of me? I remember being in high school and buying a cassette (yes, that’s right, a cassette) of the End of Silence off of some kid in the locker room. Low Self Opinion used to just, DESTROY me. And I still love to blast that song. And Weight and Come In & Burn are both fantastic records as well. And I know I need not speak of how I feel about Hank’s literary output. If this guy is getting on in years, man…that means we’re all aging!

And yes, of course I have realized that I am getting older, hell if the scant grey hairs in my goatee don’t tell me that the fact that my DAUGHTER will be eleven in February sure as hell does! And I have certainly stepped up my efforts this past year to stave off the effects of aging as best as I can. Between Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu twice a week, Muay Thai once a week, my additional daily works outs six times a week, and add to that my much improved eating habits and I am in the best physical condition of my entire life.

Yet there are still effects of the aging process that I feel every day. My joints often hurt and my legs are tired as hell after hitting the elliptical for a half hour. I also require much more sleep than I used to. I remember the days when I could run at peak efficiency on as little as two hours of sleep! I can still pull a day like that out if absolutely necessary but chances are I would be seriously hurting from it! These days with my waking up at five AM Monday to Friday I am usually nodding off by eleven PM. Gone are the days of the sleep deprivation machine that I once was!

Of course, there are advantages to getting older as well. I appreciate a lot of the little things as well as the big things so much more. My idea of “going out” or “doing something” has drastically changed as I have gotten older. Having a cup of coffee or dinner with a friend is big deal now and just spending a day walking around the Village with my wife is a treasure. And when I was in college I used to go to shows all the time! Did I enjoy and appreciate them; of course I did, but not nearly as much as I do now, because I don’t have the time to experience them as often. I also used to have all the time in the world to grab a cup of coffee or a meal with a friend, whereas now scheduling conflicts rule the day! Between who has a job with a whacky schedule, who’s married, who has kids, who’s in a band there are so many outside factors to planning a get together! So when we can make them happen, we really enjoy them!

Ugh, enough about my old decrepit ass! MOVING ON! When will people learn that negative reinforcement is about as useful as pouring water on a grease fire? I mean, does anyone really respond all that well to threats and constant brow beating in a work environment? All that does for me is make me tense up, frustrate me, and put me on the defensive. Now, how exactly, is this conducive to better job performance? Heaven forbid you question their methods, because then you’re not open to criticism and not a team player, as well as not willing to work to improve upon your weaknesses. I love when people who have never taken management classes are allowed to manage others. It’s awesome!

I guess this is enough whining for now! Turn in next time for even more bitching and kvetching! No, no, hopefully the next blog will be of a more positive nature. I just needed to get all this out. Thanks for listening (reading).

The Weekend That Was

2009-10-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a good one, but one that went all too fast, all the same. You know that actually makes me laugh to myself a bit, the idea of the weekend going by so quickly. Of course it goes by quickly, what are we comparing it to, the rest of the week? Of course the weekend ended as it usually does, with me lamenting the fact that we all spend so much more time at work than we do out of it, or seemingly so.

Friday night was a quiet one at home, I made some beef tacos and my Mom joined us for dinner. Saturday I dropped the little one off at religion and then headed off for some no gi training with Team Serra. Fantastic class with Monsta and Crazy Eddie taking the helm due to the usual suspects being off at the Renzo Gracie Invitational, Monsta’s warm up was intense! Side steps to the inside, sprawls, pushups, and sprinting. We then worked on defending strikes from above while holding your opponent in your guard and transitioning from there into a Kimura. We also did some feet on the floor matches with time limits. Monsta was encouraging us to finish our opponents and continually reminded us that we do not get decisions. This of course was a calling back to the injustice that was Master Sensei Matt Serra’s fight against Matt Hughes in May. And little did I know it was foreshadowing for later on that night!

Saturday night was a good time as I was joined by training partners Chris Brady and Andrew Frisa and Andrew’s brother Peter for UFC 104 at my place. We enjoyed some chips, Buffalo Chicken Dip, and BBQ chicken pizza along with Diet IBC Root Beer for me and well….regular beer for them! However, a slight damper was put on the evening due to what we felt to be a hugely erroneous decision in the main event. We all had thought that Mauricio “Shogun” Rua had clearly defeated Lyoto “the Dragon” Machida for the UFC Light Heavyweight Title however, the inept judges apparently thought otherwise giving Machida the victory via unanimous decision. Total miscarriage of justice in our opinion as Machida clearly sustained the most damage as his legs were incredibly bruised and his face was clearly busted up. Plus Rua clearly landed more shots in the fight and was dominant. I guess the judges at the Staples Center saw otherwise. Either that or, as usual, were boxing judges who don’t know a damn thing about MMA. UFC President Dana White is well known to say that fighters should never let fights go to the judges, because this is the kind of thing that can happen. White was also quoted as saying that he believed Rua had won the fight, and that a rematch would be the next fight for both men.

Sunday I had to drop Lyric off at her mother’s place early as they were attending a surprise party that afternoon. I headed home from that and got an early start on the laundry. Erin was out doing some birthday shopping for her nephew with her Mother and while they were gone I took the opportunity to make some oatmeal cookies, one of her favorites, for Erin. When Erin returned home we tried to figure out a good plan for the day ended up driving into Forest Hills and then hopping the subway into the Village.

We walked around for a while trying to decide on a spot for an early dinner and ended up settling on a place called Murphy & Gonzalez Pub and Cocina (http://www.murphy-gonzalez.com/). The food was very good however we both later regretted that we seem to be falling into a bit of a rut lately whenever we dine out. Always going for the safe bet (pub food, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, etc.) instead of trying different and more diverse fare. We realized while we were eating and also once we had finished and walked around a bit more, spotting several interesting restaurants. Erin had said that at the time she had thought we should eat quickly because she thought that I was really hungry, however I thought that she was just in the mood for the type of restaurant we ended up at. So, a little miscommunication there but not a big deal as we did enjoy the food that we ate, just a reminder to not always assume.

We continued our walk around the Village and grabbed some Starbucks and then checked out Urban Outfitters. A few coats in there that Erin liked but not at the prices they were asking for. We then ended up at this little café for more coffee! Man, the guy in there was such a tool box. Listen, I understand that working in these cafes probably sucks, but hey pal, I didn’t force you to get a job there and neither did my wife. We are both big time “please and thank you” people and don’t deserve your snotty attitude. He literally shoved our coffee and tea at us! Then when Erin asked for a fork he said “They’re over there.” Pointing to where the sugar, milk, and etc. were. Erin walked over looked around, no forks. She came back and asked again, he repeated his sentence again in an even snottier tone to which Erin replied with a smile “I’m sorry, I don’t see them, am I missing them?” of course he got a look on his face like Erin shit in his cornflakes as he went over to look. “Oh, sorry about that, let me get you one.” What a fucking tool box.

After our coffee and tea we headed back to Forest Hills, picked up the car and headed home. The Giants horrific loss to the Cardinals was broken up by a great new episode of Dexter. Awesome performance in this episode by Jennifer Carpenter as Det. Debra Morgan and John Lithgow continues to be awesome in his role as the Trinity Killer. However Julie Benz continues to rub me the wrong way in her portrayal as Dexter’s wife Rita. She comes off as an annoying, nagging, shrew when I am sure that I am SUPPOSED to be sympathizing with her. Of course Michael C. Hall is phenomenal as always in his role as Dexter Morgan. Meanwhile the Giants infuriated me with their second piss poor effort in a row. They really need to get their shit together if they’re going to challenge in the post season.

And here we are at Monday again, I’m back at work and the Mrs. is still stuck on the Grand Jury. Meanwhile I’m wishing I was either home with her or on the mats at Serra. I also have some lyrics floating around in my head. Hopefully something will come of them. I finished the fantastic “A Mad Dash” by Henry Rollins this weekend and I am now again without a book. The new issues of Rolling Stone and Spin will help to get me through the commute for now.

Well, I babbled on far too long again with nothing of much importance to say I’m afraid. Ah well, anyone who stumbles upon this blog should know what to expect by now. Until next time, be well.

One Year Anniversary, BJJ, Muay Thai, writing, etc. etc

2009-10-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

A year ago yesterday I walked through the doors of Serra Jiu-Jitsu for the first time and my life has not been the same since. I have lost 40 pounds and gained more than I can ever say. I would like to thank all my instructors and training partners, hopefully one day I will be good enough to make them all proud!

I am hitting the Jiu-Jitsu as hard as I possibly can. After achieving my fourth stripe back on August 25 my obsession with earning my blue belt has increased immensely. And I had thought that it was at peak levels before, boy was I wrong! I love Jiu-Jitsu so much and want so badly to perform well! I know I have to keep walking through that door and have faith that every time I train I am improving, even if I cannot see it, it is there.

I have been hitting the beginners gi class on Tuesday nights and since June 20th I have moved on to taking the advanced no gi class on Saturday afternoons every week. The difference in gi and no gi is very clear and a big adjustment for sure. Add to that facing the upper belts and doing feet on the floor matches and conga lines and the intensity is huge. Everyone is great though and extremely helpful. I am very lucky to train with such great teammates who want nothing but to help everyone get better. Everyone is so selfless and wants to help everyone else out. Such a fantastic environment to train in! Not to mention the unbelievable instructors we have!

This past Tuesday after my regular beginners gi class I was asked by Del, one of our instructors, if I would be able to stay for the competition class to help Nikole, one of our blue belts, to get ready for an upcoming competition. Del, warned me that the class was "not fun." Of course I jumped at the chance to work with someone as experienced as Nikole! She was awesome to work with and I really enjoyed the class. Man, two classes back to back, especially one as intense as the competition class was a hell of a work out!

Again I must apologize as it has been quite some time since my last post. I am however making a renewed commitment to posting something on here every day. Even if it is just a few sentences, I need to write every day. I feel that it will improve my state of mind and to help me achieve some clarity.

I have also decided that I should start carrying my digital camera with me every where I go. The thing is so small and light it's ridiculous not to have it with me. Especially when I live and work where I do, there are so many things that catch my eye and make me stop and think on a daily basis. I am no photographer, not by a long shot, but I would love to just give it a run of taking photos of the things that catch my eye. Besides, I have a huge memory card in the thing and it takes what, 2 seconds to delete a shot I don't like?

I have Muay Thai tonight for the first time in a few weeks. I missed class on 10/1 as my old shoulder injury was acting up and I wanted to rest my arm so that it would be good to go for Jiu-Jitsu on that Saturday. I missed class on 10/8 as we were leaving for Salem, Mass the next day and I had to pick up Lyric, pack, and settle some last minute details. And then I missed class last week on 10/15 as Erin and I had tickets to the Dead Man's Bones show. I am a little nervous as the Muay Thai class is very intense. I am also pretty damn sore in my hips for some reason the past two days. Glucosamine don't fail me now! Of course this has not stopped me from my daily cardio routines!

Speaking of the Dead Man's Bones show, what an awesome show! It was the best time I have had at a show in a long time! They played so well and were having such a good time up there! Those fellas really make me want to find time to pick up the guitar again and write some damn music! I love their album too, if you have not picked it up yet, I definitely recommend it!

Well, I think that I have prattled on for long enough today! I will be back tomorrow with more of my incessant rambling!

Currently Reading:
A Mad Dash (Limited Edition, signed by the author) by Henry Rollins

Currently dominating my iPod:
Dead Man’s Bones – Dead Man’s Bones
Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs – It’s Blitz!
M83 – Saturdays = Youth
Ladyhawke – Ladyhawke
Silversun Pickups - Swoon

Long time, no blog

2009-06-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

I know it has been an extremely long time since I have written anything. And it isn’t that I haven’t had anything to discuss, plenty of things going on right now for sure. Erin and I spent a week in Ireland in May and had a fantastic time. I earned my third stripe in Jiu-Jitsu and took my first advanced/no gi class. I have been motoring right along in Muay Thai class. And there was the sudden passing of the Japanese legend Misawa on January 13 and my attendance at ROH’s Manhattan Mayhem III on the same day. The release of several new albums I was anticipating: Crossing the Rubicon by the Sounds, Battle for the Sun by Placebo, and Back and Forth by Pete Yorn. I also had to endure my first Father’s Day without my beloved Father. So, yes, there has been plenty to talk about.

I have contemplated starting one of these quite a few times since we returned home from Ireland and yet I haven’t written a thing. I think there are several reasons for this. The first being that I have just been extremely busy, I am training three times a week: Tuesday night is beginners Jiu-Jitsu, Thursday night is Muay Thai, and Saturday afternoon is advanced/no gi Jiu-Jitsu. I also get up at 5 AM every morning to get in some cardio before work with additional exercises on the days I’m not training. Factor into that a full time job, a daily commute that takes 90 minutes each way, a lovely wife, and a fantastic daughter and you can see that my “free time” is pretty limited.

Another reason is that I really wanted to make this blog completely uncensored. Yet I am realizing that this is a complete impossibility. Anyone can Google anyone nowadays and along with that comes the ability to check up on activities such as blogging. I don’t believe in hiding or that there is any strength in blogging anonymously. Anyway can be brave behind a mask and without consequences, I like to stand behind what I say so that’s not an option for me. However, I do have a family to take care of, and they come before my freedom to mouth off across the internet.

Anyway, on with the blogging and this one is going to be a corker! As one of my Father’s Day gifts I received A Dull Roar: What I Did on My Summer Deracination 2006 by Henry Rollins. I was extremely excited to receive this as I am a HUGE fan of gold old Hank and own and have read and re-read all of his books (well, except for Roomanitarian which I own, started reading, and for whatever reason, didn’t get around to finishing, but I will once I finish this one, though I will have to rescue it from its cardboard tomb in the attic.)

As is always the case with missives from Hank, I totally and completely love the shit out of this book. This book is a collection of journal entries from back in 2006 and I absolutely love how after every entry he catalogs what he ate that day as well as his work outs. Somewhere along the line old Hank became a quasi vegetarian (he still eats fish, eggs, and dairy) which totally surprised me as I remembered earlier books where he mentioned his cupboards only containing beef chili and him making fun of vegetarians as recently as his spoken word CD Think Tank which came out back in 1998. Hank is also apparently a big fan of carrot juice, cream cheese bagels, sesame bars, and ice bars. This is a great read and Henry’s dedication to his work is simply staggering. I am happy to report that I am as big a fan of his as ever. I am definitely going to need to upload all my Rollins spoken word CDs onto my iTunes so that I can throw them onto the old iPod. And I would love to get Talk Is Cheap Vols. 1-4. I am also really looking forward to his next book, A Preferred Blur: Reflections, Inspections, and Travel in All Directions which will be released on August 1, 2009.

Moving on! I have quickly come to realize that I have become much more comfortable being alone than I was in years passed. I went back and read a lot of old journal entries and they reminded me, not that I needed much reminding, how much I used to hate being alone. I seemingly never, ever wanted to be left to my own devices. I know that a great deal of that had to do with my self esteem issues and my crippling need and desire for everyone I met to like me. Nowadays I have no problems at all with time to myself. And I have plenty to do with that time when I have it. Be it reading, catching up with DVD watching or the occasional quality time with my PS3!

I know that in the past, not here, but other place I have addressed the “who shit in your cereal” issue before but it could definitely use another go around. Look, I’m not the type of dude who walks around with a huge goofy smile on his face all the time; it’s just not my natural expression. However, I also don’t walk around looking like someone raped my dog with a red hot poker. There are several people I see in my daily travels who constantly wear the “someone took a big dump in my cornflakes mask” and it’s fucking ridiculous. This one woman, I see her at least 2 or 3 times a week, always looks at me like I punched her wheel chair bound great-grandmother in the face or something. I don’t even know this woman! And yet I often find her staring at me with that look upon her face, I just want to close my book, pull out my ear phones, walk over to her, and say “may I help you?” People need to just chill the fuck out and get over themselves.

I had an interesting conversation with some of the upper belts after no gi class on Saturday. We were all talking about how grateful we were to train where we did and to have the instructors and training partners that we had. One of the guys mentioned despite the fact that we were located on Long Island, not one “typical Long Island douchebag” could be found among us. Now, if you don’t know what he was referring to, I suggest you check out either Roosevelt Field or the Source Mall and cruise around for a bit. You know the guy, polo shirt, blow out hair cut, sunglasses that your girlfriend should be wearing. He surmised that this was due to the fact that these were the type of guys who would rather talk about fighting, than do it. I bunch of us also joked that you should have had to either been tapped out or tapped someone out at least a few times before you could wear a TapouT t-shirt. I suggested that perhaps a screening at check out followed by a quick lesson in Jiu-Jitsu prior to purchase would be a fun idea! I kiid I kiid!

Monster then let us know that a majority of the guys he has come across who train in MMA really are not looking to be true Martial Artists and can be complete assholes. However at our academy, people are looking to learn the Martial Arts and are friendly, helpful, and respectful. I cannot stress enough how luck I am to train with such a great group of individuals.

Alright, I think I have rambled on long enough for one installment. I hope that you enjoyed reading and I will try not to go so long in between entries. Take care and keep your head up.

Training Hard

2009-05-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it’s been quite a while since my last update on here. Certainly not my intention as I have been meaning to write for some time now, however, life intervenes as they say. I continue to train at Serra Jiu-Jitsu every week and have recently added a new ingredient to the mix: Muay Thai. I am now training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu twice a week and Muay Thai once a week. I am hoping that this increased training schedule will help to improve upon my recent fitness advances as well as making me a more rounded martial artist.

I have now been training with Team Serra for a little over six months and have consequently lost 15.5 lbs and several inches off my waist. I’m down to about 155 lbs and now and still have a bit to go but I am very encouraged by my progress. Shorts that were snug last summer were falling off me in such a way when I attempted to wear them two weeks ago that Erin immediately insisted I buy new shorts. Jeans and t-shirts I haven’t been able to wear since my honeymoon two years ago are fitting me better than they did back then. I have been eating better but I do believe that I owe 90% of this positive change in my appearance to my instructors and training partners over at Serra BJJ. Please check out our recently revamped web site at http://www.serrajitsu.com/ for more information. I would again like to especially thank Matt & Nick Serra, Ron Witkowski, Paul “Opie” Fahey, William “Billy Ho” Hofacker, Gabriel “Monsta” Toribio, Frank “Bam Bam” Oyague, and Gil Renschak for all their efforts in training me and my training partner Chris Brady for repping and rolling with me.

My love for BJJ increases exponentially every time I step on the mat and my desire to be better increases with every new technique I learn. I cannot even express how much BJJ has done for me and how I feel it has improved my overall quality of life. It really does become a way of life and latch onto your heart and soul if you give it your all.

I started doing BJJ a little over a month after my Father’s passing. I was looking for something to help me take my mind off my loss and to help me to, at least partially, attempt to fill the gaping hole that was now in my heart, soul, and life. I wanted to do something that would impact my life in a positive way and I have to say that it has more than fit the bill. I have met some really great people who really care about each other and genuinely want to see each other grow and improve.

I have previously mentioned the positive physical effects of my training and I also believe that it has helped me become more focused and determined. Training three times a week has given me some structure in my life outside of my job and has helped me to focus on something positive instead of the negative feeling of loss and emptiness.

Nothing will ever be able to replace having my Father in my life, but Jiu-Jitsu has certainly been a great form of therapy for me and really helped me to work through my grief in a positive fashion. I also feel that my Father would be proud to see me dedicating myself to the “gentle art” and applying myself to something so positive and worthwhile.

Until next time, keep your head up.

Being sick, parental responsibilities, CD eating dogs, philosophy, conversing, ROH’s Seventh Anniversary Show, this is a long one…be warned!

2009-03-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Most people who know me know that I am lucky in that I rarely ever get sick or sick enough to miss time at work. I get injured here and there, but I am rarely sick. Well, that caught up to me this past week as I was hit with one hell of a sinus cold. Bad enough that it forced me to miss work Thursday and Friday and Jiu Jitsu class on Saturday morning. And you know that I had to really be in the shitter to miss Jiu Jitsu class. Hell, I dislocated my shoulder and didn’t miss any classes although I was unable to roll (spar) for several months.

This weekend was a set up to be a very busy one for me. My daughter had her Girl Scouts Holiday Night Performance on Friday night from 8 PM to 10 PM which I could not miss, especially since my Mother had dinner plans with my brother and sister-in-law to celebrate their anniversary and my wife was in AC with a friend for the night. Saturday I had tickets for Ring of Honor’s Seventh Anniversary Show, and Sunday we had tickets to take my daughter to the circus.

Thursday morning I was feeling like death when my alarm went off and I really was having trouble getting up. My head felt so heavy and my throat was killing me. My wife urged me to stay home, especially with the weekend we had ahead, she thought that if I attempted going to work I would get really, really sick. So I called out of work, kissed my wife goodbye, and went back to sleep for about 4 or 5 more hours.

I was awakened by Leia crying at the bedroom door. I instantly knew what it was; our lab Luke has a new hobby, eating my CDs! The room he hangs out includes two large media storage towers, one houses my CD collection and the other houses my DVD collection. Luke has taken to removing CDs from the rack and destroying the cases and in some instances, the CDs themselves. The first victims were several irreplaceable mix CDs that Erin made for me complete with homemade inserts and CD labels. The next victim was my special edition copy of Release by the Pet Shop Boys, followed by a limited edition copy of the Psychedelic Furs Greatest Hits. On this day he had gotten his grubby little paws on Antics by Interpol.

At this point we really do not know what to do about Luke’s new irritating habit. First and foremost he could really hurt himself ingesting the shards of plastic from the cases or the booklets which are stapled together. The secondary concern of course is that I have worked really hard over a period of approximately eighteen years to build this collection and who the hell knows how much money I have spent on it at this point. Many CDs in my collection are from England, Germany, and Japan and many more have tremendous sentimental value. We may have to resort to crating Luke again as he cannot seem to keep out of trouble when left to his own devices.

Alas, back to the busy weekend! So, despite being mostly unconscious for the past two days passing most of the time in my bed with my husky Leia curled up next to me I dragged myself into the shower and then off to the elementary school to catch my daughter’s Girl Scout troop’s presentation of Passover. They did a pretty good job for a bunch of gentiles with my daughter being the only one of the lot with any Jewish blood. She’s a quarter Jewish thanks to my Mom’s side. I sat there for a little over two hours with my head heavy from Dayquil and sinusitis but I made it through, awake. It was then back home where I got Lyric tucked in for bed and headed off to bed myself.

Saturday morning arrived way too quickly for my tastes and it was up and time to get Lyric off to religion class. I decided as I got her up that I was not going to be able to make it to Jiu Jitsu class that day. My head felt like it weighed 50 pounds and I could not breathe through my nose in the slightest. These things are not conducive to a productive class. So, after Lyric’s class I brought her back home and had bagels with her and my Mom and then at my Mom’s insistence it was back to bed for me. Again I slept for several hours. Erin finally made it back home from AC and I was able to spend an hour with her before heading off to the city for a night of ROH action.

Right before the train arrived I bumped into an old friend I had not seen since my first year of college. I had bumped into her on facebook a few months ago but we just befriended each other and that was it. So, we rode into the city together and caught up on what we had been doing and how our lives had gone since we last spoke. It’s always good to run into old friends again and catch up. It’s one of my most favorite things actually.

I met up with my buddy Bob outside the Hammerstein Ballroom and we discussed the night’s show and what we were looking forward to catching that night. Bob was shocked when I did not make my usually pilgrimage to the merchandise table for new DVDs. I explained that I had just booked a trip to Ireland in May and as result wouldn’t be making any purchases. Bob was still shocked at my resolve, especially given the fact that throughout the night ROH kept announcing the buy 3 get 1 free sale they were having!

The first half of the show was incredibly lackluster and had both me and the Bob shaking our heads. The 6 Man Ultimate Endurance between Necro Butcher, Tyler Black and Delirious vs. Jimmy Jacobs, Brodie Lee and Austin Aries was absolutely horrible. The rules were convoluted and ridiculous and many fans found it hard to follow what the stipulations were despite Bobby Cruise announcing them in between falls. And I am getting really tired of Jimmy Jacobs vs everyone who used to be in the Age of the Fall. And on another note, what a crappy group, no one ever stays! Jacobs is the only left from the original quartet of himself, Black, Necro, and Lacey. Delirious was added on and his now out with the group now standing as Jacobs, Brodie Lee, occasionally MsChif, and occasionally Alison Wonderland. And what the hell is with Aries new gimmick? I get the change in attire and attitude, but there is no rule out there that says if you change your gimmick you suddenly forget how to wrestle! It’s cheap heat!

The show picked up steam in the second half with the mystery tag partner match which pitted Bison Smith accompanied by Prince Nana and Dirty Ernie Osiris and the returning Crown Jewel of the Embassy Jimmy Rave against American Dragon Bryan Danielson and the returning Colt “Boom Boom” Cabana. This match really got the crowd into the show as people popped huge for Jimmy’s return and even bigger for the return of Cabana.

D-Lo Brown vs. Jay Briscoe deflated the crowd again as no one was into Brown’s NYC debut and the match was a really crappy one to boot. The no DQ tag title match got people back into things but left me scratching my head. Steen was clearly injured going into the match and yet they didn’t move the belts off them. Hopefully we don’t head into a situation where again the tag champs were injured and they had a chance to move the belts in a match, chose not to, and then stripped them of the belts and had a tournament. I do not want that nonsense again.

We then got Nigel vs. KENTA for the ROH World Title and Nigel came in with his arm heavily taped up. Throughout the match it was terribly obvious that Nigel was really, legitimately injured. I can see why they didn’t move the belt here though; KENTA is a NOAH wrestler, on loan to ROH and cannot be counted on for consistent appearances. However, I do see the belt coming off Nigel sooner rather than later as I believe he is going to need surgery on his often injured arm.

Post show Bob and I headed off to our usual post show meal at the beloved Tick Tock Diner. We discussed Bob’s upcoming move, my trip to Ireland, some funny stories about my past and are doubts about ROH’s current direction under Booker Adam Pearce. As always it was a great time chatting it up with Bob and I look forward to our next show together.

Upon making it back into Penn Station I ran into my old buddy Vujeyva who I know through a friend’s younger brother. I often bump into him at shows as he is a fellow ROH fan. We asked each other what train we were on and when I realized his train was a half hour later than mine, to go to a town 5 minutes away from mine, I offered for him to hop on my train with me and I would give him a ride back to his car. He took me up on the offer and we spent the time conversing about ROH, other wrestling, music, what everyone from the “Group” had been up to, work, and other various topics. It was cool not to take the train by myself for once and I really enjoyed chatting it up with him.

I got home at 1:30 AM, took some Nyquil, and passed out until Erin woke me at 1 PM on Sunday afternoon. She offered repeatedly to take Lyric to the circus on her own but I just couldn’t do that to Lyric. I dragged my ass out of bed and into the shower and got myself dressed. Then Erin informed me that the night before Luke had gotten to one of my all time favorite albums, Ritual De Lo Habitual by Jane’s Addiction. I was completely incensed at this point. Erin blockaded the CD and DVD cases with chairs and a vacuum before we left and then it was off to the circus!

The circus was, well the circus. This is the second time we went in two years and I have to say, it doesn’t do anything for me and I would really not rather go anymore. I would also rather they not subject animals to the bull shit that they do. Both these circus trips have been through the Girl Scouts as I would not have sought to go otherwise.

After the circus we met up with my Mom at the Fred Robster for dinner (Richard Jenni fans will get this) and had an enjoyable meal as a family. Afterwards we dropped Lyric off at her mother’s and headed back home. Thus ending my way too busy a weekend for someone with a ridiculously bad sinus cold.

Before I sign off on this way too long blog, those of you who have been hounding me for an entry have now gotten what you asked for, I thought I would hit on one more thing. I received Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as a Christmas gift from one of the doctors I work for. I have just recently been able to start reading the book as I received so many books for Christmas this year. And let me tell you, when you have a 90 minute commute to and from work each day, books are always a welcome present! This book can at times be a harrowing read and there have been several instances when I have had to put it down and just focus on the music on my iPod as my head has been spinning a bit. I have to say though; it has made me think of one of my favorite philosophical theories. That is that no man can stand in the same river twice, as both the man and the river are in a constant state of flux. The river will never be the same, and neither will the man.

I often think of the past, way more than I probably should, and change. We may look back on good times we had and good friends we share them with and these friends may no longer be a part or as big a part of our lives as they once were. We should not look back at this with sorrow but with joy at remembering the times we had. We must also remember that we are not that person anymore and neither are they. We should not constantly lament that they may no longer be in our lives but just enjoy the fact that they once were and the times we had with them. Times change, people come and go, but memories last forever.

Thanks for listening to me ramble again.

U2, living in the moment, appreciating what we have

2009-03-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last night I was taking the train home from seeing Watchmen with my good friend Shannon and several things coursed their way through my mind. The first was that U2's early albums are still absolutely incredible. I've worked my way through Boy, October, War, and I am now up to the Unforgettable Fire. Edge's guitar playing still stirs something up in me that I cannot quite describe. I just cannot get over how good a band they were so early in their career, I Will Follow is the first track on their first album, wrap your head around that!

And I know, I know, Bono wants to save the world...yadda, yadda, yadda...save it. They are incredible band who write incredible songs. Leave Bono's messianic complex at the door an just enjoy the music. It is possible to separate the two and there are worse things than wanting to put a stop to poverty and AIDS aren't there?

And yes, I have listened to the new album three times and I am still not falling in love with it. I decided to start over and work my way back. I want to enjoy the journey these boys from Dublin have made to get us to this point here in 2009. That's also something to think about, these fellows have been together without a break, making music, recording, touring, the whole deal, without a single line up change since 1976! That's 32 years!

OK, enough of the U2 fan boy nonsense, and no I am not Irish, I just marry Irish. This leads us to my next thought. I was thinking about my wife, Erin, and about some of my favorite memories of our six and a half years together. And I was thinking that some of my favorite memories are not of the huge life changing variety. I mean, of course, our wedding was fantastic and one of the most amazing nights of my life. And yes, it was amazing standing there holding her hand and staring up at Big Ben in London.

However, perhaps my favorite memory, is kissing her in the rain outside of her old apartment in Long Beach. And I thought about how early on in our relationship we were walking along the beach, it was at night and I was dressed in a really nice new pair of black slacks and Erin asked me to sit in the sand with her. I told her I didn't want to get sand all over my nice pants! What a fucking moron! How could I not sit in the sand by the ocean with this young woman that I was falling in love with?

Last night when Erin picked me up from the subway I was telling her how I felt that memories of the little things like those I have mentioned here were so important. And how much I regretted not sitting in the sand with her that night.

Sometimes we worry that my daughter is far too concerned with what everyone else is doing or will be doing and not what she herself is doing or will be doing. She always seems so concerned with what she may be missing or could have missed/will miss that she misses everything. She often does not seem to enjoy what she is doing because she gets so wrapped up in watching what everyone else is doing.

I know fear that she may have gotten this from me. Too many times I am looking back or ahead and not enjoying what I am doing. I am worried about what tomorrow will bring or what happened yesterday and not enjoying what I am doing. I think this is partly due to the fact that for a while I thought only of the moment and completely disregarded the consequences of my actions. I lived completely in the moment and was totally dedicated to doing whatever would make me most happy at that exact moment. This is not a good way to go about things either I soon found out.

So I think that in an effort to avoid this behavior I shifted to completely the opposite. I was always looking to what comes next and not what's going on now. What am I doing tomorrow or this weekend? That I have to be at work the next morning instead of enjoying the night I have to spend alone with my wife.

I've realized that I need to focus more on the moment, to enjoy the here and now and to not be rushing off to tomorrow or next weekend. It is good to have things to look forward to but not so much so that you don't enjoy where you are at present. I need to stop worrying about the fact that I may not be perfectly mastering a technique in Jiu Jitsu and appreciate the moment that I am being taught and the privilege of learning from such great instructors. I need to stop and enjoy my daughter giggling as I tease her or makes jokes and stop worrying about what time she has to be at a Girl Scouts function the next day. I need to enjoy sitting and watching a movie with my wife's head on my chest and stop thinking about how much work I have on my desk waiting for me the next day.

I also thought about the fact that there are so many people out there right now who have it so much worse than I do. I know that sometimes I can be overcome by thoughts of sorrow or hopelessness or frustration and that part of that is genetic and part of it is my own obsessing over meaningless crap. I am a lucky man, I am married to a fantastic woman, I have a wonderful daughter, my wife and I have good jobs, and a nice house. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends.

I have lost my father, who was one of my absolute most favorite people in the entire world. But I have not lost everything. And instead of focusing on the fact that I lost someone that I loved so very much, I think I need to try and focus more on the fact that I still have so many people who I love and who love me so very much. And to be grateful for what I do have instead of being so angry about what I no longer have anymore. And I need also need to be grateful for all those years I did have with my father. I got a little over 32 years with him and that's 29 more than Erin got with her Dad. And I need to cherish those memories, instead of regretting that there will not be more of them.
So I just want to say, stop living in the past, stop longing for the future, and live in and love the moment that you are in.

Music influences and the album reclamation project

2009-02-18T06:45:00.000-08:00

I love music, I really, really love music. I own over a thousand CDs and I have downloaded many, many more albums since acquiring my first iPod as an anniversary present from my wife Erin.

My older brother Frank and close friends Earl Maneein, Chris Gavagan, Chris Brady, and Shannon Gramas have each had major impacts on my musical choices throughout the years. Growing up Frank opened up his vast music collection with only two rules: put it back where you found it and don't leave the house with it. He's also the reason why my own collection has always been in alphabetical order by artist and chronological order within each artist.

Earl and I have been close friends since we were 11 years old way back in 1987. At the time our musical obsessions were hard rock bands like Def Leppard and Guns N' Roses. This led us into an obsession with metal acts such as Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies, and Pantera. We later shifted over into alternative acts such as Jane's Addiction, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, and Pearl Jam.

In my later High School years Frank's growing obsession with New Wave, Industrial, and Brit Pop began to take over my musical interests. Soon enough Frank's favorite band became mine and it's the same band for the both of us to this day, Depeche Mode. Through Frank I was introduced to the bands that are still my favorites to this day: Depeche Mode, the Cure, the Smiths, Morrissey, U2, and Nine Inch Nails. I also found a love for Duran Duran, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Ministry, Nitzer Ebb, Joy Division, and Erasure. Earl became a big fan of these bands as well and introduced me to Alphaville.

My New Wave & Industrial obsession continued on in college and flavors of Goth were added to the mix with Bauhaus and Cranes leading the charge. I began going to clubs two to three nights a week and dancing my ass off to retro 80s New Wave as well as 90s synthpop, goth, and industrial.

I met Chris Gavagan in January of 1996 and we formed a quick and close bond based on music, film, hockey, Star Wars, & GI Joe. Chris was into a lot of the bands I was like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Depeche Mode, the Cure, Duran Duran, and Rollins Band. He helped me get into the Dead Kennedys, Sublime, 311, and Cat Stevens. I have many fantastic memories of driving around in Chris' blue camaro blasting DM, 311, and Sublime and singing our hearts out. In later years Chris and I have handed each other tons of CDs peaking each others interests in many bands like Alkaline Trio, Coldplay, Anti-Flag, and Mindless Self Indulgence. Chris and I also share a love of tattoos and have been there to watch each other bleed many a time!

Chris Brady and I met when we both worked at Tower Records. Our friendship started with common interests in stand up comedy, music, and pro wrestling. Chris is responsible for getting me into bands like Flickerstick, Wilco, Ryan Adams, and Ben Kweller. I'll never forget that New Year's Eve we spent at a packed Irving Plaza watching Vida Blue blow the roof off the place. When midnight struck and they played Instant Karma, it was an awesome experience. In recent months Chris and I started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu together and it's a real blast training twice a week with one of my closest friends!

I met Shannon Gramas in February of 2005 when I first started working at ITN. I happened passed his cubicle when I heard music playing. I saw this dude sitting there with stacks of CDs on his desk and I was digging the music he was playing. I struck up a conversation and I've been friends with the guy ever since. He's one of my favorite people to talk music with and I love waxing nostalgic about 80s cartoons and comics with him. Shannon got me into Jeff Buckley, Iron and Wine, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Neutral Milk Hotel, Cat Power, M83 and a slew of other artists. The Gramas is a musical encyclopedia and I love sharing music with him.

A lot of people out there like to blame iTunes and the iPod for ruining the idea of the album. I decided to do a bit of musical soul searching and I realized that I most often either had my iPod on shuffle or would be listening to one of my play lists. Now, shuffle is one of the most fantastic things about the iPod or any digital music player. Especially when you have over 6,000 tracks on your iPod covering a vast array of genres. One minute I am listening to Depeche Mode, the next Cat Stevens, then James Brown, then Pop Will Eat Itself and so on.

However, I realized that the only time I had been listening to albums was when I downloaded or uploaded a new one. So I decided to do a little project, I was going to listen to all the albums of some of my favorite acts in chronological order. This way I could appreciate the individual albums and the growth and change of the artists themselves.

I started off with my all time favorite act, Depeche Mode. Listening to the whole albums really makes you remember how much you loved certain tracks that weren't necessarily hits or the best tracks on the album, but that struck you anyway. I love Puppets and Love In Itself! I finished off my DM experiment last night and I can say that Black Celebration is still my favorite album of theirs and that Exciter is still my least favorite. And Blue Dress off of the Violator album still mesmerizes me like no other track.

I took a brief detour in my project with the release of Morrissey's latest album Years Of Refusal. Holy crap am I in love with this album! It's just a wonderful example of Morrissey's incomparable lyrical wit and some great rocking guitars featured on quite a few tracks. If you love the Moz, buy this, now!

And I am back on track with my little project now moving on to...the Smiths! I decided to go with the Smiths next after drooling all over Morrissey's latest solo triumph. So far this morning I've listened to the Smiths and began Meat Is Murder. Goddamn this is a fantastic band that wrote fantastic music!

I think I've gone on long enough about my musical interests and my ongoing album reclamation project for now. I hope everyone reading this is happy and well. Until next time, keep your head up.

Hunting For Joy

2009-02-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

Pain is a necessity, grief is a given, joy is an endangered species. Let's go hunting again.