Being sick, parental responsibilities, CD eating dogs, philosophy, conversing, ROH’s Seventh Anniversary Show, this is a long one…be warned!

Most people who know me know that I am lucky in that I rarely ever get sick or sick enough to miss time at work. I get injured here and there, but I am rarely sick. Well, that caught up to me this past week as I was hit with one hell of a sinus cold. Bad enough that it forced me to miss work Thursday and Friday and Jiu Jitsu class on Saturday morning. And you know that I had to really be in the shitter to miss Jiu Jitsu class. Hell, I dislocated my shoulder and didn’t miss any classes although I was unable to roll (spar) for several months.

This weekend was a set up to be a very busy one for me. My daughter had her Girl Scouts Holiday Night Performance on Friday night from 8 PM to 10 PM which I could not miss, especially since my Mother had dinner plans with my brother and sister-in-law to celebrate their anniversary and my wife was in AC with a friend for the night. Saturday I had tickets for Ring of Honor’s Seventh Anniversary Show, and Sunday we had tickets to take my daughter to the circus.

Thursday morning I was feeling like death when my alarm went off and I really was having trouble getting up. My head felt so heavy and my throat was killing me. My wife urged me to stay home, especially with the weekend we had ahead, she thought that if I attempted going to work I would get really, really sick. So I called out of work, kissed my wife goodbye, and went back to sleep for about 4 or 5 more hours.

I was awakened by Leia crying at the bedroom door. I instantly knew what it was; our lab Luke has a new hobby, eating my CDs! The room he hangs out includes two large media storage towers, one houses my CD collection and the other houses my DVD collection. Luke has taken to removing CDs from the rack and destroying the cases and in some instances, the CDs themselves. The first victims were several irreplaceable mix CDs that Erin made for me complete with homemade inserts and CD labels. The next victim was my special edition copy of Release by the Pet Shop Boys, followed by a limited edition copy of the Psychedelic Furs Greatest Hits. On this day he had gotten his grubby little paws on Antics by Interpol.

At this point we really do not know what to do about Luke’s new irritating habit. First and foremost he could really hurt himself ingesting the shards of plastic from the cases or the booklets which are stapled together. The secondary concern of course is that I have worked really hard over a period of approximately eighteen years to build this collection and who the hell knows how much money I have spent on it at this point. Many CDs in my collection are from England, Germany, and Japan and many more have tremendous sentimental value. We may have to resort to crating Luke again as he cannot seem to keep out of trouble when left to his own devices.

Alas, back to the busy weekend! So, despite being mostly unconscious for the past two days passing most of the time in my bed with my husky Leia curled up next to me I dragged myself into the shower and then off to the elementary school to catch my daughter’s Girl Scout troop’s presentation of Passover. They did a pretty good job for a bunch of gentiles with my daughter being the only one of the lot with any Jewish blood. She’s a quarter Jewish thanks to my Mom’s side. I sat there for a little over two hours with my head heavy from Dayquil and sinusitis but I made it through, awake. It was then back home where I got Lyric tucked in for bed and headed off to bed myself.

Saturday morning arrived way too quickly for my tastes and it was up and time to get Lyric off to religion class. I decided as I got her up that I was not going to be able to make it to Jiu Jitsu class that day. My head felt like it weighed 50 pounds and I could not breathe through my nose in the slightest. These things are not conducive to a productive class. So, after Lyric’s class I brought her back home and had bagels with her and my Mom and then at my Mom’s insistence it was back to bed for me. Again I slept for several hours. Erin finally made it back home from AC and I was able to spend an hour with her before heading off to the city for a night of ROH action.

Right before the train arrived I bumped into an old friend I had not seen since my first year of college. I had bumped into her on facebook a few months ago but we just befriended each other and that was it. So, we rode into the city together and caught up on what we had been doing and how our lives had gone since we last spoke. It’s always good to run into old friends again and catch up. It’s one of my most favorite things actually.

I met up with my buddy Bob outside the Hammerstein Ballroom and we discussed the night’s show and what we were looking forward to catching that night. Bob was shocked when I did not make my usually pilgrimage to the merchandise table for new DVDs. I explained that I had just booked a trip to Ireland in May and as result wouldn’t be making any purchases. Bob was still shocked at my resolve, especially given the fact that throughout the night ROH kept announcing the buy 3 get 1 free sale they were having!

The first half of the show was incredibly lackluster and had both me and the Bob shaking our heads. The 6 Man Ultimate Endurance between Necro Butcher, Tyler Black and Delirious vs. Jimmy Jacobs, Brodie Lee and Austin Aries was absolutely horrible. The rules were convoluted and ridiculous and many fans found it hard to follow what the stipulations were despite Bobby Cruise announcing them in between falls. And I am getting really tired of Jimmy Jacobs vs everyone who used to be in the Age of the Fall. And on another note, what a crappy group, no one ever stays! Jacobs is the only left from the original quartet of himself, Black, Necro, and Lacey. Delirious was added on and his now out with the group now standing as Jacobs, Brodie Lee, occasionally MsChif, and occasionally Alison Wonderland. And what the hell is with Aries new gimmick? I get the change in attire and attitude, but there is no rule out there that says if you change your gimmick you suddenly forget how to wrestle! It’s cheap heat!

The show picked up steam in the second half with the mystery tag partner match which pitted Bison Smith accompanied by Prince Nana and Dirty Ernie Osiris and the returning Crown Jewel of the Embassy Jimmy Rave against American Dragon Bryan Danielson and the returning Colt “Boom Boom” Cabana. This match really got the crowd into the show as people popped huge for Jimmy’s return and even bigger for the return of Cabana.

D-Lo Brown vs. Jay Briscoe deflated the crowd again as no one was into Brown’s NYC debut and the match was a really crappy one to boot. The no DQ tag title match got people back into things but left me scratching my head. Steen was clearly injured going into the match and yet they didn’t move the belts off them. Hopefully we don’t head into a situation where again the tag champs were injured and they had a chance to move the belts in a match, chose not to, and then stripped them of the belts and had a tournament. I do not want that nonsense again.

We then got Nigel vs. KENTA for the ROH World Title and Nigel came in with his arm heavily taped up. Throughout the match it was terribly obvious that Nigel was really, legitimately injured. I can see why they didn’t move the belt here though; KENTA is a NOAH wrestler, on loan to ROH and cannot be counted on for consistent appearances. However, I do see the belt coming off Nigel sooner rather than later as I believe he is going to need surgery on his often injured arm.

Post show Bob and I headed off to our usual post show meal at the beloved Tick Tock Diner. We discussed Bob’s upcoming move, my trip to Ireland, some funny stories about my past and are doubts about ROH’s current direction under Booker Adam Pearce. As always it was a great time chatting it up with Bob and I look forward to our next show together.

Upon making it back into Penn Station I ran into my old buddy Vujeyva who I know through a friend’s younger brother. I often bump into him at shows as he is a fellow ROH fan. We asked each other what train we were on and when I realized his train was a half hour later than mine, to go to a town 5 minutes away from mine, I offered for him to hop on my train with me and I would give him a ride back to his car. He took me up on the offer and we spent the time conversing about ROH, other wrestling, music, what everyone from the “Group” had been up to, work, and other various topics. It was cool not to take the train by myself for once and I really enjoyed chatting it up with him.

I got home at 1:30 AM, took some Nyquil, and passed out until Erin woke me at 1 PM on Sunday afternoon. She offered repeatedly to take Lyric to the circus on her own but I just couldn’t do that to Lyric. I dragged my ass out of bed and into the shower and got myself dressed. Then Erin informed me that the night before Luke had gotten to one of my all time favorite albums, Ritual De Lo Habitual by Jane’s Addiction. I was completely incensed at this point. Erin blockaded the CD and DVD cases with chairs and a vacuum before we left and then it was off to the circus!

The circus was, well the circus. This is the second time we went in two years and I have to say, it doesn’t do anything for me and I would really not rather go anymore. I would also rather they not subject animals to the bull shit that they do. Both these circus trips have been through the Girl Scouts as I would not have sought to go otherwise.

After the circus we met up with my Mom at the Fred Robster for dinner (Richard Jenni fans will get this) and had an enjoyable meal as a family. Afterwards we dropped Lyric off at her mother’s and headed back home. Thus ending my way too busy a weekend for someone with a ridiculously bad sinus cold.

Before I sign off on this way too long blog, those of you who have been hounding me for an entry have now gotten what you asked for, I thought I would hit on one more thing. I received Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as a Christmas gift from one of the doctors I work for. I have just recently been able to start reading the book as I received so many books for Christmas this year. And let me tell you, when you have a 90 minute commute to and from work each day, books are always a welcome present! This book can at times be a harrowing read and there have been several instances when I have had to put it down and just focus on the music on my iPod as my head has been spinning a bit. I have to say though; it has made me think of one of my favorite philosophical theories. That is that no man can stand in the same river twice, as both the man and the river are in a constant state of flux. The river will never be the same, and neither will the man.

I often think of the past, way more than I probably should, and change. We may look back on good times we had and good friends we share them with and these friends may no longer be a part or as big a part of our lives as they once were. We should not look back at this with sorrow but with joy at remembering the times we had. We must also remember that we are not that person anymore and neither are they. We should not constantly lament that they may no longer be in our lives but just enjoy the fact that they once were and the times we had with them. Times change, people come and go, but memories last forever.

Thanks for listening to me ramble again.

U2, living in the moment, appreciating what we have

Last night I was taking the train home from seeing Watchmen with my good friend Shannon and several things coursed their way through my mind. The first was that U2's early albums are still absolutely incredible. I've worked my way through Boy, October, War, and I am now up to the Unforgettable Fire. Edge's guitar playing still stirs something up in me that I cannot quite describe. I just cannot get over how good a band they were so early in their career, I Will Follow is the first track on their first album, wrap your head around that!

And I know, I know, Bono wants to save the world...yadda, yadda, yadda...save it. They are incredible band who write incredible songs. Leave Bono's messianic complex at the door an just enjoy the music. It is possible to separate the two and there are worse things than wanting to put a stop to poverty and AIDS aren't there?

And yes, I have listened to the new album three times and I am still not falling in love with it. I decided to start over and work my way back. I want to enjoy the journey these boys from Dublin have made to get us to this point here in 2009. That's also something to think about, these fellows have been together without a break, making music, recording, touring, the whole deal, without a single line up change since 1976! That's 32 years!

OK, enough of the U2 fan boy nonsense, and no I am not Irish, I just marry Irish. This leads us to my next thought. I was thinking about my wife, Erin, and about some of my favorite memories of our six and a half years together. And I was thinking that some of my favorite memories are not of the huge life changing variety. I mean, of course, our wedding was fantastic and one of the most amazing nights of my life. And yes, it was amazing standing there holding her hand and staring up at Big Ben in London.

However, perhaps my favorite memory, is kissing her in the rain outside of her old apartment in Long Beach. And I thought about how early on in our relationship we were walking along the beach, it was at night and I was dressed in a really nice new pair of black slacks and Erin asked me to sit in the sand with her. I told her I didn't want to get sand all over my nice pants! What a fucking moron! How could I not sit in the sand by the ocean with this young woman that I was falling in love with?

Last night when Erin picked me up from the subway I was telling her how I felt that memories of the little things like those I have mentioned here were so important. And how much I regretted not sitting in the sand with her that night.

Sometimes we worry that my daughter is far too concerned with what everyone else is doing or will be doing and not what she herself is doing or will be doing. She always seems so concerned with what she may be missing or could have missed/will miss that she misses everything. She often does not seem to enjoy what she is doing because she gets so wrapped up in watching what everyone else is doing.

I know fear that she may have gotten this from me. Too many times I am looking back or ahead and not enjoying what I am doing. I am worried about what tomorrow will bring or what happened yesterday and not enjoying what I am doing. I think this is partly due to the fact that for a while I thought only of the moment and completely disregarded the consequences of my actions. I lived completely in the moment and was totally dedicated to doing whatever would make me most happy at that exact moment. This is not a good way to go about things either I soon found out.

So I think that in an effort to avoid this behavior I shifted to completely the opposite. I was always looking to what comes next and not what's going on now. What am I doing tomorrow or this weekend? That I have to be at work the next morning instead of enjoying the night I have to spend alone with my wife.

I've realized that I need to focus more on the moment, to enjoy the here and now and to not be rushing off to tomorrow or next weekend. It is good to have things to look forward to but not so much so that you don't enjoy where you are at present. I need to stop worrying about the fact that I may not be perfectly mastering a technique in Jiu Jitsu and appreciate the moment that I am being taught and the privilege of learning from such great instructors. I need to stop and enjoy my daughter giggling as I tease her or makes jokes and stop worrying about what time she has to be at a Girl Scouts function the next day. I need to enjoy sitting and watching a movie with my wife's head on my chest and stop thinking about how much work I have on my desk waiting for me the next day.

I also thought about the fact that there are so many people out there right now who have it so much worse than I do. I know that sometimes I can be overcome by thoughts of sorrow or hopelessness or frustration and that part of that is genetic and part of it is my own obsessing over meaningless crap. I am a lucky man, I am married to a fantastic woman, I have a wonderful daughter, my wife and I have good jobs, and a nice house. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends.

I have lost my father, who was one of my absolute most favorite people in the entire world. But I have not lost everything. And instead of focusing on the fact that I lost someone that I loved so very much, I think I need to try and focus more on the fact that I still have so many people who I love and who love me so very much. And to be grateful for what I do have instead of being so angry about what I no longer have anymore. And I need also need to be grateful for all those years I did have with my father. I got a little over 32 years with him and that's 29 more than Erin got with her Dad. And I need to cherish those memories, instead of regretting that there will not be more of them.
So I just want to say, stop living in the past, stop longing for the future, and live in and love the moment that you are in.

Music influences and the album reclamation project

I love music, I really, really love music. I own over a thousand CDs and I have downloaded many, many more albums since acquiring my first iPod as an anniversary present from my wife Erin.

My older brother Frank and close friends Earl Maneein, Chris Gavagan, Chris Brady, and Shannon Gramas have each had major impacts on my musical choices throughout the years. Growing up Frank opened up his vast music collection with only two rules: put it back where you found it and don't leave the house with it. He's also the reason why my own collection has always been in alphabetical order by artist and chronological order within each artist.

Earl and I have been close friends since we were 11 years old way back in 1987. At the time our musical obsessions were hard rock bands like Def Leppard and Guns N' Roses. This led us into an obsession with metal acts such as Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies, and Pantera. We later shifted over into alternative acts such as Jane's Addiction, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, and Pearl Jam.

In my later High School years Frank's growing obsession with New Wave, Industrial, and Brit Pop began to take over my musical interests. Soon enough Frank's favorite band became mine and it's the same band for the both of us to this day, Depeche Mode. Through Frank I was introduced to the bands that are still my favorites to this day: Depeche Mode, the Cure, the Smiths, Morrissey, U2, and Nine Inch Nails. I also found a love for Duran Duran, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Ministry, Nitzer Ebb, Joy Division, and Erasure. Earl became a big fan of these bands as well and introduced me to Alphaville.

My New Wave & Industrial obsession continued on in college and flavors of Goth were added to the mix with Bauhaus and Cranes leading the charge. I began going to clubs two to three nights a week and dancing my ass off to retro 80s New Wave as well as 90s synthpop, goth, and industrial.

I met Chris Gavagan in January of 1996 and we formed a quick and close bond based on music, film, hockey, Star Wars, & GI Joe. Chris was into a lot of the bands I was like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Depeche Mode, the Cure, Duran Duran, and Rollins Band. He helped me get into the Dead Kennedys, Sublime, 311, and Cat Stevens. I have many fantastic memories of driving around in Chris' blue camaro blasting DM, 311, and Sublime and singing our hearts out. In later years Chris and I have handed each other tons of CDs peaking each others interests in many bands like Alkaline Trio, Coldplay, Anti-Flag, and Mindless Self Indulgence. Chris and I also share a love of tattoos and have been there to watch each other bleed many a time!

Chris Brady and I met when we both worked at Tower Records. Our friendship started with common interests in stand up comedy, music, and pro wrestling. Chris is responsible for getting me into bands like Flickerstick, Wilco, Ryan Adams, and Ben Kweller. I'll never forget that New Year's Eve we spent at a packed Irving Plaza watching Vida Blue blow the roof off the place. When midnight struck and they played Instant Karma, it was an awesome experience. In recent months Chris and I started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu together and it's a real blast training twice a week with one of my closest friends!

I met Shannon Gramas in February of 2005 when I first started working at ITN. I happened passed his cubicle when I heard music playing. I saw this dude sitting there with stacks of CDs on his desk and I was digging the music he was playing. I struck up a conversation and I've been friends with the guy ever since. He's one of my favorite people to talk music with and I love waxing nostalgic about 80s cartoons and comics with him. Shannon got me into Jeff Buckley, Iron and Wine, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Neutral Milk Hotel, Cat Power, M83 and a slew of other artists. The Gramas is a musical encyclopedia and I love sharing music with him.

A lot of people out there like to blame iTunes and the iPod for ruining the idea of the album. I decided to do a bit of musical soul searching and I realized that I most often either had my iPod on shuffle or would be listening to one of my play lists. Now, shuffle is one of the most fantastic things about the iPod or any digital music player. Especially when you have over 6,000 tracks on your iPod covering a vast array of genres. One minute I am listening to Depeche Mode, the next Cat Stevens, then James Brown, then Pop Will Eat Itself and so on.

However, I realized that the only time I had been listening to albums was when I downloaded or uploaded a new one. So I decided to do a little project, I was going to listen to all the albums of some of my favorite acts in chronological order. This way I could appreciate the individual albums and the growth and change of the artists themselves.

I started off with my all time favorite act, Depeche Mode. Listening to the whole albums really makes you remember how much you loved certain tracks that weren't necessarily hits or the best tracks on the album, but that struck you anyway. I love Puppets and Love In Itself! I finished off my DM experiment last night and I can say that Black Celebration is still my favorite album of theirs and that Exciter is still my least favorite. And Blue Dress off of the Violator album still mesmerizes me like no other track.

I took a brief detour in my project with the release of Morrissey's latest album Years Of Refusal. Holy crap am I in love with this album! It's just a wonderful example of Morrissey's incomparable lyrical wit and some great rocking guitars featured on quite a few tracks. If you love the Moz, buy this, now!

And I am back on track with my little project now moving on to...the Smiths! I decided to go with the Smiths next after drooling all over Morrissey's latest solo triumph. So far this morning I've listened to the Smiths and began Meat Is Murder. Goddamn this is a fantastic band that wrote fantastic music!

I think I've gone on long enough about my musical interests and my ongoing album reclamation project for now. I hope everyone reading this is happy and well. Until next time, keep your head up.

Hunting For Joy

Pain is a necessity, grief is a given, joy is an endangered species. Let's go hunting again.